Three weeks ago, I told Mark I didn’t want to be friends.

It wasn’t some big, dramatic declaration. I wasn’t trying to hurt him or push him away. It was just the truth—I didn’t see the point in maintaining a connection that would keep me tethered to the past. And so, for three weeks, I didn’t reach out. I let the silence stretch between us, thinking he’d feel the same. 

But when I finally did reach out again, something was different.

Mark wasn’t just distant—he was cold. Detached. As if I had become a stranger to him overnight. 

It didn’t take long to realize that in those three weeks, he had changed his stance on friendship. He no longer wanted it. The same man who, for months, had said he still wanted me in his life, even after the divorce, now seemed to want nothing to do with me. 

And I had to wonder: **What changed?**

The Final Blow: When Reality Becomes Real

Mark already knew about my Latin America trip. His sister had seen it on my Instagram and passed the information along to him. So when we finally spoke again, I expected him to mention it. But instead of curiosity, support, or even mild interest, I got resistance.

“You’re not going to get a book deal,” he said when I told him about documenting my journey. “It’s just a road trip. So many people take road trips.”

Dismissive. Irritated. Almost angry.

That was the first real clue.

Up until now, I don’t think he had truly processed what this trip meant. But now, the reality was undeniable: I was leaving. Really leaving. Not just moving on emotionally, but physically leaving his world entirely. 

For him, our relationship had always been this quiet safety net. I may have been moving on, but I was still there. Still reachable. Still within the world he could see and access. 

But now, I wasn’t just moving forward. I was disappearing from his life completely.

The Moment That Said Everything

Today, I found out that Mark had signed the divorce settlement agreement. 

Even though I had been waiting for this moment, the finality of it hit me. The door was officially closed. I was free. But as much as I wanted this, I couldn’t shake the sadness of it all. 

So I did something that maybe I shouldn’t have—I called him.

I told him I wanted to see him, that I needed a hug. That I felt sad and needed closure.

“I don’t want to,” he said.

“Why don’t you want to see me?”

“I just don’t want to.”

But I didn’t listen.

I showed up anyway.

When I walked in, he let me hug him. I asked him if he missed me.

“No.”

He didn’t hesitate.

“I don’t really think about you much at all.”

And for a moment, I almost believed him. 

But then he said something else.  

“I miss our family life.”

And then I saw it. The redness in his eyes. The way he looked up at the ceiling, trying to stop the tears from falling. The way his voice changed, even though he tried to suppress it.

And in that moment, I saw through the wall he had put up. This has been hard for him. Maybe harder than he even realizes.

“Oh my god, this has been hard for you,” I said.

And he nodded.

The Emotional Shutdown: Why He’s Pushing Me Away

Mark isn’t just pushing me away. He’s shutting down completely.

I asked him why he was being so cold. Why he was pushing me away. Why he didn’t even want to be friends anymore when just three weeks ago, he did.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he said. “I don’t want to talk about any of it.”

And that’s when I knew: He doesn’t want to feel any of this.

He thought he had already moved on. He thought he was fine. But this divorce, this trip, the reality of me leaving— it’s triggering something deeper inside him. And because he doesn’t know how to deal with those emotions, he’s choosing the easiest path: avoidance. 

What Changed?

Three weeks ago, he still wanted to be friends. Now, he doesn’t. 

What changed?

I did.

I cut off contact. I stopped being a presence in his life. And in that silence, he had to sit with himself. And in that space, he started to detach completely.

But then, when he heard about my trip, about my plans, about my book— he realized I was actually moving on. And instead of dealing with that, he took the only action he knew how to: he shut the door completely before I could.

The Truth About Goodbye

Mark is grieving me in his own way. He’ll never admit it, but I saw it in his eyes. 

And while he may be shutting down right now, that doesn’t mean this doesn’t hurt him. It just means he doesn’t want to feel it. 

But the reality is, this is the end.  

I am leaving.

Not just Georgia. Not just this life. 

I am leaving everything that kept me tethered to the past.  

I don’t know if Mark will ever come around again. I don’t know if, one day, he’ll reach out.  

But I do know this: I will never be the one waiting for it. 

Because while Mark is shutting down, I am opening up to everything life has waiting for me. 

And that is a future I will never apologize for.