There’s a video clip of Benny Blanco, the music producer turned unlikely heartthrob, holding Selena Gomez close, speaking softly, and just being present. There’s no posturing. No power game. No pretending to be detached or too cool. It’s just him, fully there—grounded, affectionate, and real.

And the first time I saw it, something in me exhaled.

“Yes,” I thought. “This is what it looks like. This is what emotionally secure masculinity feels like.”

We live in a culture where men are still, even now, being taught that to be masculine is to be unavailable, dominant, withholding, and hard. Whether it’s the emotionally shut-down “nice guys” who perform stability while avoiding vulnerability, or the Andrew Tate-style alpha-masculinity that equates worth with control, money, height, and muscle—the message is the same:

“Don’t feel too much. Don’t love too deep. Don’t need anyone. Don’t be soft.”

But Benny Blanco offers something completely different.
And it’s everything we should be lifting up right now.

What Benny Blanco Represents:

• Emotional availability – He shows affection without hesitation.
• Security in self – He’s not traditionally “hot,” and he doesn’t try to be. He’s real.
• Playfulness and ease – He’s goofy, approachable, and doesn’t take himself too seriously.
• Nurturing energy – He doesn’t just date a woman—he adores her.
• Healthy masculinity – There’s strength in his presence, but softness in his expression. He’s not threatened by feminine power. He celebrates it.

And you know what? That kind of man is rare—but not because men aren’t capable of it.
It’s rare because our culture actively trains it out of them.

The Alternate Reality: What Men Are Taught

From childhood through adulthood, many men are handed a script that says:

• “You have to be the strongest.”
• “Don’t cry. Don’t be weak.”
• “Your worth comes from how much money you make and how many women want you.”
• “Don’t be soft. That’s for girls.”

This script produces men who are:

• Emotionally avoidant
• Addicted to performance and validation
• Afraid of commitment unless it centers their ego
• Incapable of true connection because they fear being seen

I know this because I married one.
And before him, I loved others like him too.

Men who couldn’t hold space.
Men who shut down.
Men who “didn’t like talking about feelings.”
Men who needed porn more than presence.
Men who wanted to be loved deeply but never did the work to be loveable in return.

Attachment Styles in Action

From an attachment lens:

• The Benny Blancos of the world are securely attached. They’re not afraid of love.
• The Marks and Rays of the world? Avoidant, anxious-avoidant, deeply wounded.

And as a woman who used to believe I had to settle for a man who made me feel alone, I can say with certainty:

I no longer feel the need to be “chosen.”
I want to be met. By someone whole.

The New Masculinity

Benny Blanco isn’t perfect. He’s just a different blueprint.

He’s showing men that they can:

• Be affectionate and respected
• Be open and grounded
• Be silly and strong
• Be soft and still fully masculine

We need more of this.
We need to raise boys into men who know that love is not weakness.
That holding your partner while she cries is not a loss of power—it’s the highest form of it.

What I Want for Myself—and What I Hope for All of Us

I don’t want a partner who sees my strength and shrinks.
I want a man who’s done his work, who can meet me there—on solid emotional ground.

A man who is capable of loving in the open.
A man who knows himself.
A man who smiles with his whole face.
A man who could build a home—and still hold a heart.

And until I find him?

I’ll keep building this life.
I’ll keep creating from a place of truth.
And I’ll hold the standard.

Because we don’t need more men to “man up.”

We need more men to open up.

And when they do?

They won’t just attract love.
They’ll finally know how to give it back.