I never knew heartbreak could feel like this.  

I had been through breakups before. I had experienced pain, sadness, and the slow unraveling of something that was once beautiful. But nothing—absolutely nothing—could have prepared me for the devastation of losing him.  

Losing Mark.  

It wasn’t just the loss of a person. It was the loss of a life I had built, the loss of dreams we had created together, the loss of us. It was the realization that everything I had fought for, everything I had sacrificed, was slipping through my fingers, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.  

The Pain That Took Over My Life  

Grief is a strange thing. It doesn’t just exist in your mind—it lives in your body. It steals your energy, your ability to focus, your sense of self. It makes the most basic tasks feel insurmountable.  

For months, I could barely function.  

I went through the motions of work, parenting, life—but I wasn’t really there. My body moved, but my heart wasn’t in it. Every morning, I woke up with a dull ache in my chest, a weight pressing down on me before my feet even touched the floor. Nights were even worse. Lying in bed alone, staring at the ceiling, replaying every conversation, every mistake, every what if—it felt endless.  

I wasn’t eating well. I wasn’t sleeping well. I wasn’t really living.  

I tried everything to dull the pain—therapy, meditation, even medication that was supposed to help boost my serotonin levels. It helped a little, but the truth is, there’s no easy way through heartbreak. No pill, no therapist, no well-meaning advice could erase the deep, consuming grief I felt.  

Holding Onto False Hope  

In my desperation to hold onto him in some small way, I agreed to be friends.  

I told myself that if I just kept him in my life, maybe we could find our way back to each other. Maybe he would remember the love we had, maybe we could start over. But deep down, I knew the truth:  

I was clinging to hope that wasn’t real.  

Being friends with Mark wasn’t helping me heal. It was keeping me stuck. Stuck in limbo. Stuck in a cycle of waiting, of analyzing every interaction, of reading into every word and wondering if maybe, just maybe, he still loved me enough to try.  

But he didn’t.  

And when I finally saw that clearly, it was both devastating and freeing.  

What I Would Do Differently 

Looking back, I wish I had gone no contact from the start. I wish I had protected myself from the emotional whiplash of staying in touch with someone who had already decided to walk away. I wish I had forced myself to do the things I knew would make me feel better—even when I didn’t want to.  

• I wish I had thrown myself into exercise, forcing my body to move and release the grief trapped inside of me.  
• I wish I had invested in more help, hiring someone to assist with the kids and household tasks while I navigated my emotional wreckage.  
• I wish I had focused on sleep, knowing that exhaustion made everything worse.  
• I wish I had accepted the pain instead of trying to outrun it.  

Because that’s the thing about heartbreak—you can’t escape it. You have to go through it.  

The Turning Point 

It didn’t happen overnight. There was no magical moment when everything clicked and I suddenly felt healed.  

But slowly, the pain started to loosen its grip.  

I began redecorating my house, putting my energy into something tangible. Creating a space that was mine—a space that wasn’t haunted by memories of him. My best friend checked in on me, encouraging me to keep moving forward. My ex-husband stepped up with the kids, allowing me the space to breathe.  

And then one day, I woke up and realized that I wasn’t drowning anymore. The grief was still there, but it no longer consumed me. I was starting to feel like myself again.  

The Lessons I Learned  

1. Closure comes from within. I spent so much time seeking closure from Mark, wanting him to acknowledge my pain, to validate my feelings, to give me a reason that made sense. But true closure didn’t come from him—it came from me.  

2. Staying in contact only prolongs the suffering. Cutting ties completely is brutal, but it is necessary for healing.  

3. Heartbreak will not kill you, but it will change you. And if you allow it, it will make you stronger, wiser, and more whole than you’ve ever been.  

4. One day, you will wake up and not miss them anymore. That day will come. Slowly, quietly, without fanfare. And when it does, you’ll realize that you survived something you once thought you wouldn’t.  

To Anyone Going Through This Right Now…  

I know it hurts. I know you feel like you will never be okay again. I know the weight of grief is suffocating.  

But I also know this:  

You will get through this. You will heal.  

One day, you will wake up and realize that the worst of it is behind you. That you are whole again. That you have built a life even better than the one you lost.  

And when that day comes, you will look back and see that this wasn’t just the end of something.  

It was the beginning of something greater.  

It was the start of you finding yourself again.  

And that? That is a beautiful thing.  

Let me know if you’d like any edits or additions to the piece. This is a powerful story that so many will relate to.