There’s a painful yet powerful realization that comes after a breakup with someone who is deeply avoidant: they will never experience the kind of love they just lost again. This isn’t a statement meant to soothe the ego or to paint the one who left as the “loser” in the situation. It’s an objective truth about attachment styles, emotional depth, and what it takes to cultivate real, lasting love.

People with dismissive avoidant attachment styles—like Mark—often struggle with deep intimacy. They crave connection on some level but are terrified of vulnerability. Instead of leaning into love, they instinctively pull away. They keep their partners at arm’s length, never truly letting them in. And when the relationship inevitably crumbles under the weight of their emotional walls, they tell themselves, It was never meant to be or I was better off alone anyway.

But here’s the thing: real love requires depth. And when a dismissive avoidant walks away from someone who loved them deeply, who saw them fully, and who was willing to stand by them if only they would show up in return—they don’t get that kind of love again.

They may find someone new. They may even enter another relationship. But they won’t experience the depth, passion, and emotional safety they had with a securely attached partner. That kind of love requires a willingness to be seen, to be vulnerable, to risk pain for the sake of true connection. And that is precisely what they are unwilling to do.

When I say that Mark will never have a love like mine again, I don’t mean he will never date or even settle down with someone. What I mean is that he will never have a love this deep, this devoted, this real.

Here’s why:

1. He Doesn’t Want to Do the Work.
   Love isn’t about just being comfortable. It requires growth, communication, and accountability. Mark wanted a surface-level relationship, one where he didn’t have to face his struggles or be emotionally open. He wanted companionship without the demands of intimacy. But that’s not love—that’s cohabitation. And while he may find someone who will accept that kind of relationship, it won’t be a great love story.
2. He Will Keep Repeating the Same Patterns.
   Mark isn’t working on himself. He isn’t confronting his emotional unavailability or his struggles with intimacy. So, what happens? He keeps attracting the same kind of relationship dynamic—or worse, ends up alone. He may find someone willing to settle for a distant, low-effort connection, but he will never build something rich and fulfilling.
3. I Gave Him Something Rare—And He Let It Go.
   I was willing to love him fully. To accept his flaws while also asking him to grow. To build a life together that was real and meaningful. That kind of love doesn’t come around every day. Most people are too guarded, too self-interested, or too scared to love with that level of depth and loyalty. He had it. And he walked away from it.
4. As Time Passes, He Will Realize It.
   Right now, Mark might feel relief. Avoidants often do at first because they equate intimacy with pressure and escape with freedom. But as time passes, he will look back and recognize that he had something special. And unlike me, who is growing, evolving, and moving forward, he will be in the same place—still unable to fully open up, still keeping people at arm’s length, still unfulfilled.

If you’ve ever loved someone with a dismissive avoidant attachment style, you might struggle with the thought: Will they find someone else? Will they be happier with them? Did I do something wrong?

Here’s the truth: they might find someone else, but they won’t find another you.

• They won’t find someone who will push them to be better while also loving them unconditionally.
• They won’t find someone who saw them for who they really were and still chose them.
• They won’t find someone who was willing to fight for them.

But here’s the most important part: It doesn’t matter anymore.

Because you deserve more than loving someone who won’t meet you halfway. You deserve someone who wants to be seen, who wants to grow, who embraces love instead of fearing it.

Mark’s loss is not my responsibility. It is not my burden to carry. It is simply a truth that exists, and I don’t have to hold onto it anymore.

I’m not here to wait for him to wake up. I am moving forward. I am building a life filled with adventure, love, and deep connections with people who can actually show up. And that is what separates me from him.

So if you’re in a similar situation, know this: You are not the one who lost here. The person who walks away from real love, who is too afraid to show up fully, is the one who loses. And if you keep growing, if you keep loving with an open heart, you will find someone who is ready for the love you have to give.

And that is a future worth moving toward.