One of the hardest truths I’ve had to face since my divorce is that, deep down, I was never truly loved the way I needed to be. At the core of our relationship, something fundamental was always missing. Yes, Mark and I had moments of happiness, moments of laughter, and periods of stability. But beneath the surface, I always knew something essential was lacking: genuine emotional intimacy, deep honesty, and authentic connection.

It’s hard to admit this—to myself and to others. For a long time, I convinced myself that what we had was enough. I told myself every relationship has challenges, and ours weren’t worse than anyone else’s. But looking back, I see clearly now that while I was giving love generously, I was never fully loved back in the way I needed and deserved.

Reflecting on this realization brings a mix of sadness and relief. I’m sad because I lost the dream of what our relationship could’ve been—what I wished it was. Yet, I’m also relieved because understanding this truth means I can finally stop holding onto something that was never truly there.

Letting go of a dream is sometimes more painful than letting go of a person. The dream was beautiful: true partnership, unwavering honesty, emotional safety, and mutual respect. But it wasn’t our reality. Recognizing this loss, fully grieving it, and embracing reality is part of my healing.

Now, as I embark on this adventure, I have the incredible opportunity to redefine love for myself. I can create a future based on authenticity, vulnerability, and mutual depth—qualities that I now know I cannot live without. This realization has set me free to seek a love that fills my heart, honors my needs, and makes me feel fully seen.

If you find yourself holding onto a relationship—or the memory of one—that never truly gave you what you deserved, know that you’re not alone. Acknowledge it, mourn it, and then release it. Let yourself grieve the dream so you can create space for something better.

Because you, like me, deserve to be deeply, genuinely, and fully loved.