Letting go is one of the hardest things we will ever do. Not just moving on from a relationship, but truly detaching—physically, mentally, and emotionally. It’s one thing to stop texting someone, remove them from social media, or even relocate to another place. It’s another thing entirely to break the invisible thread that still tugs at your heart, making you wonder what if?  

For a long time, I thought moving on was just a matter of time. That if I distanced myself, kept busy, and focused on self-growth, eventually, I would stop caring. But what I’ve learned—through painful, messy experiences—is that time alone doesn’t heal wounds. Understanding does. Acceptance does. And most importantly, consciously choosing to release the emotional attachment does.  

Why Is Detachment So Hard? 

If moving on were easy, we wouldn’t have songs, movies, and entire therapy sessions dedicated to heartbreak. Detachment is hard because:  

– We hold onto potential.  

Sometimes, we don’t grieve the person but the future we imagined with them. I stayed emotionally attached to Mark because I wasn’t just letting go of him—I was letting go of the home, the stability, and the idea of growing old together.

– We crave validation.  

If someone leaves us—especially when we still want them—it can feel like a personal rejection. We wonder: Was I not enough? Did I do something wrong? But the truth is, letting go isn’t about our worth; it’s about alignment. Just because someone doesn’t choose us doesn’t mean we are unworthy. It means they weren’t meant to walk the whole journey with us.  

– We mistake comfort for love.  

Mark represented familiarity. Even though he wasn’t the right partner for me, staying connected to him felt safe. We had routines, inside jokes, a shared history. The idea of fully cutting ties was painful because it meant stepping into the unknown.  

– We fear loneliness.  

No one likes to admit it, but sometimes, it’s not even about the person. It’s about the gap they leave behind. The empty space where their texts, their presence, and their companionship used to be.  

What Kept Me Emotionally Attached to Mark and Chris?

For a long time, I thought I wanted reconciliation with Mark. But when I really examined my emotions, I realized what I wanted was closure. I wanted him to acknowledge the pain he caused. I wanted him to say he regretted it. But I had to come to terms with the fact that he may never give me that.  

With Chris, the attachment was different. I was drawn to what he represented—a fresh start, an escape from the heartbreak of my divorce. I liked the idea of him more than the reality of who he was. And when I saw that reality clearly, I realized I wasn’t actually losing him, I was losing the illusion I had created.  

Once I understood that my attachment wasn’t to them but to my own expectations, letting go became easier.  

How to Truly Let Go

Letting go isn’t about forgetting or pretending the relationship didn’t happen. It’s about releasing the grip it has on your heart. Here are some things that have helped me detach:  

1. Accept that closure doesn’t always come from the other person.

The most painful part of moving on is realizing you may never get the apology, explanation, or validation you want. But you don’t need their permission to move forward. Closure comes when you decide to stop waiting for it.  

2. Shift your focus from “why” to “what.”

Instead of asking, Why didn’t he choose me? Why didn’t it work?—ask, What did I learn? What do I want moving forward? Reframing your thoughts can help you release the need for answers you may never get.  

3. Stop romanticizing the past.  

When we miss someone, we tend to remember only the good times. But be honest—was the relationship truly fulfilling? Did they show up for you in the way you deserved? When I stopped idealizing Mark and Chris, I saw them for who they really were. And that made it easier to walk away.  

4. Feel the pain—but don’t feed it.

It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to miss them. But don’t let that pain become your identity. Allow yourself to grieve, but also take intentional steps to create a future where they are no longer the main character in your story.  

5. Fill the space they left behind.  

When we let go of someone, we create an emotional void. Fill it with things that bring you joy and growth—travel, hobbies, fitness, new friendships. Moving forward doesn’t mean rushing into another relationship. It means reclaiming your life.  

6. Cut the energetic cord.  

If you keep checking their social media, rereading old messages, or keeping the possibility open in your heart, you’re not truly letting go. Block, unfollow, delete. Not out of spite, but out of self-respect.  

7. Trust that something better is coming. 

Letting go is an act of faith. It’s trusting that the right people will find their way into your life. That love exists beyond this one relationship. That your best days are ahead of you.  

Final Thoughts 

Letting go isn’t a one-time decision—it’s a daily practice. Some days, you’ll feel strong and free. Other days, you’ll feel the weight of nostalgia creeping in. But every time you choose yourself over the past, you take another step forward.  

I don’t regret my time with Mark or Chris. They were part of my journey, just as I was part of theirs. But their chapter in my life is over. And for the first time in a long time, I’m not just moving on.  

I’m moving forward.