When I started going through my divorce, I noticed how many conflicting and outdated narratives were pushed at women like me. Depending on who I listened to — traditional voices, social media, or self-help circles — the message was always the same: Shrink. Quiet down. Stay small.

But I’m not doing that.
And if you’re here, maybe you’re not either.

Let me break down the stories we’re “supposed” to follow — and then tell you the one I’ve chosen instead.

The Traditional Narrative: “Grieve Quietly, Rebuild Safely”

I was expected to:

• Be ashamed that my marriage ended.
• Rebuild my life modestly and sensibly — nothing “rash.”
• Focus on stability, not dreams or desires.

The underlying message?

“You had your shot. Now shrink down and behave.”

And that might work for some women. But for me — someone who’s always craved more — it felt like a slow suffocation.

The Pop Culture Narrative: “Revenge and Glow-Up”

Instagram said:

• Hit the gym. Get Botox. Post thirst traps.
• Date someone younger. Make your ex jealous.
• Look like you’re winning.

But here’s what I’ve learned:
Looking like you’re winning isn’t the same as actually feeling whole.
That version of “healing” felt like a performance. It wasn’t deep. It wasn’t honest. It wasn’t me.

The Self-Help Narrative: “Heal in Isolation”

And then there’s the quiet, “spiritual” version:

• Meditate. Journal. Avoid fun.
• Avoid dating. Stay serious.
• Stay celibate. Stay introspective.

The message is:

“Joy is a distraction. Fun is avoidance. You have to earn your healing through pain.”

Look — I believe in reflection. I love journaling. But I also believe that joy is healing. Connection is healing. Play is healing.

The Narrative I’m Choosing: Freedom, Joy, and Expansion

Here’s what I’m saying now:

• “Yes, I’ve been hurt — but I’m not staying there.”
• “Yes, I’ve grieved — but I also want to feel alive again.”
• “Yes, I’m healing — but I’m also LIVING.”

I’m not shrinking.
I’m not proving anything.
I’m not chasing anyone’s approval.

I’m choosing adventure, freedom, creativity, and joy.
Not out of denial — but out of alignment with the woman I’ve always known I could be.

Why This Path is Powerful

Because it honors both the grief and the growth.

It says:

“I can be heartbroken and hopeful. I can let go of what hurt me and still believe in beauty, love, and possibility.”

I’m not running from pain.
I’m walking through it — and choosing to live fully on the other side.
That, to me, is real healing.

Final Thought: Write Your Own Damn Story

If you’re going through a separation or heartbreak, I want you to know this:
You don’t have to follow anyone else’s script.

Do whatever the hell heals you, empowers you, and brings you back to life — even if it makes other people uncomfortable.

That’s what I’m doing.
I’m not just starting over — I’m becoming.
And I have a feeling… I’m just getting started.